The following newspaper was found in a leather pouch, stowed away in a pockmarked Gothic armoire, in the buried vestry of the Carennac Monastery, Dordogne Valley, France:
THE DORDOGNE DAILY TATTLER
“All the News We See Fit To Print”
November 13, 1357 Vol. XIV, No. 7
Ed.—in—Chief: Abbé Guillaume le Bavardage
Headline News:
Dordogne Man Not in State of Grace
A Dordogne Valley resident, Benoit the Mad, is clearly not in a state of grace. Benoit openly supports the concept of a heliocentric cosmos, proposed a few years back by Aristarchus of Samos. As all true Christians know, the heavens revolve not around the sun, but the earth, more specifically, Avignon, home of our esteemed Church father, Innocent VI, and to pinpoint the spot even more accurately, His Holiness’s broom closet, not that His Holiness sweeps the floor himself, quite the contrary, as our advisors suggest. Anyway, the notion of a heliocentric cosmos is patently untrue, and not since Ubertino of Casale fashioned a set of balloon animals with a shocking resemblance to his Holiness Innocent III’s grandchildren has the Church encountered such heresy.
Bring Out Your Dead!
Yes, friends and fellow Dordognians, it’s that time again. Collonges la Rouge native Michel Turot has seen in a dream that the Black Plague will strike down three out of four families in the region between noon next Saturday and 3:17 p.m. the following Sabbath. Fortunately for Turot, all in his family except his mother-in-law will be spared.
Succubus Attacks Man While Wife Sleeps
Another late night attack by a succubus has Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne citizens sleeping with one eye open. The most recent assault, again, on Gérard Fournier of 36 Rue de coq, was by an evil spirit with a suspicious resemblance to young Claudine Léglise, who lives with her parents on Rue d'oie. Luckily for Monsieur Fournier, Madame Fournier saw the succubus as it rolled about the bed with her husband, who lay in a deep sleep. Madame Fournier then beat the succubus out of the house with a particularly lumpy pillow. Coincidentally, Monsieur Fournier is said to be quite fond of the girl, Claudine, making it all the more unfortunate for the poor man that the succubus should take her shape.
THE DORDOGNE DAILY TATTLER
“All the News We See Fit To Print”
November 13, 1357 Vol. XIV, No. 7
Ed.—in—Chief: Abbé Guillaume le Bavardage
Headline News:
Dordogne Man Not in State of Grace
A Dordogne Valley resident, Benoit the Mad, is clearly not in a state of grace. Benoit openly supports the concept of a heliocentric cosmos, proposed a few years back by Aristarchus of Samos. As all true Christians know, the heavens revolve not around the sun, but the earth, more specifically, Avignon, home of our esteemed Church father, Innocent VI, and to pinpoint the spot even more accurately, His Holiness’s broom closet, not that His Holiness sweeps the floor himself, quite the contrary, as our advisors suggest. Anyway, the notion of a heliocentric cosmos is patently untrue, and not since Ubertino of Casale fashioned a set of balloon animals with a shocking resemblance to his Holiness Innocent III’s grandchildren has the Church encountered such heresy.
Bring Out Your Dead!
Yes, friends and fellow Dordognians, it’s that time again. Collonges la Rouge native Michel Turot has seen in a dream that the Black Plague will strike down three out of four families in the region between noon next Saturday and 3:17 p.m. the following Sabbath. Fortunately for Turot, all in his family except his mother-in-law will be spared.
Succubus Attacks Man While Wife Sleeps
Another late night attack by a succubus has Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne citizens sleeping with one eye open. The most recent assault, again, on Gérard Fournier of 36 Rue de coq, was by an evil spirit with a suspicious resemblance to young Claudine Léglise, who lives with her parents on Rue d'oie. Luckily for Monsieur Fournier, Madame Fournier saw the succubus as it rolled about the bed with her husband, who lay in a deep sleep. Madame Fournier then beat the succubus out of the house with a particularly lumpy pillow. Coincidentally, Monsieur Fournier is said to be quite fond of the girl, Claudine, making it all the more unfortunate for the poor man that the succubus should take her shape.