[Above is a picture I took of the Bordens' sitting room.]
The Borden family as portrayed by elementary students~
(A banner over the stage reads “Our Lady of the Multiple Miseries Elementary School, Fall River, Massachusetts” and underneath that, the words “Our Valentine’s Day 1954 School Play.” Principal Harold Donstetter, a fiftyish, bald man with a paunch, enters stage left to a wooden podium that bears a picture of the school mascot, Clarence the Fruit Bat, along with Clarence’s name. Donstetter clears his throat and speaks.)
Donstetter: Good afternoon, parents and all our other welcome guests. (The only audience members besides the parents are the teachers and students of Grades 1 through 6, as well as Mr. Townsend, the school custodian, leaning on his mop.) For this Valentine’s Day, Sister Maria del Fuego’s sixth grade history class has written a one-act play entitled “Valentine’s Day with the Bordens, an All-American Family.” You’ll recognize Emily Hasbrouck, fifth grade future star of stage and screen, as heroine Lizzie Borden. Donald Sears, one of Sister Mary Margaret Maleficent’s talented third graders, plays her father, Mr. Borden. Sixth grader Lois West, understudy for first grader Kim Delaney, who is absent with the chicken pox, plays Mrs. Borden. Lizzie’s sister Emma is portrayed this afternoon by my own granddaughter, first grader, Sharon Donstetter. She’s a good little actress, so don’t suggest any nepotism at work here! (No one does. He chuckles, as if he’s said something witty.) Let’s see, who am I leaving out? Mrs. Brewster?
(Mrs. Brewster, second-grade teacher, hands him a program. He pulls glasses out of his breast pocket, puts them on, and surveys the paper.)
Donstetter: Ah. Borden maid, Bridget, is played by Shelley Littlebottom, but I’m just not sure whose class she’s in. Mrs. Brewster? (Mrs. Brewster mouths the answer.) Ah. Third grade. Thank you, Mrs. Brewster. Borden relative, Uncle John, is cast as first grader, Jimmy Hasbrouck. Hmm? (Mrs. Brewster has whispered something. Donstetter offers a hearty laugh.) Hah! Of course, I meant that Jimmy Hasbrouck, Emily’s cousin, by the way, is playing Uncle John, not the other way around. Mercy me! Now, who else? (He checks.) Ah. One more cast member, ladies and gentlemen. Donna Fairfield, Mrs. Trout’s fourth-grade representative, plays Doctor Seabury Bowen. Don’t let her false moustache fool you! She’s a very pretty little girl! I’m sure her future in the theater is bright!
So! Without further adieu... (Mrs. Brewster whispers something.) Yes, yes, Mrs. Brewster, I was about to set the scene. It’s Valentine’s Day in the Borden household, on a wintry Fall RIver afternoon in 1892, and the family is gathered at table.
(Gathered at the dining room table are all the players mentioned above, except for Bridget, the maid, who stands by the kitchen door, painted on a cardboard backdrop. The actors wear their school uniforms, the girls in plaid skirts and white blouses, even Doc Bowen with her moustache, and the boys in wool trousers and white shirts. They all pretend to eat, sporadically, throughout the play, miming the use of forks. There are no plates on the table.)
Doc Bowen (In a stilted, fourth-grade voice): Thank you, Mrs. Borden, for inviting me to the family’s Valentine’s Day dinner on this wintry Fall River afternoon in 1892.
Mrs. Borden (Struggling to remember her lines): Why, it is our pleasure, Doc Seabury Bowen. (She then addresses the audience.) We are always happy to invite our good friend and neighbor to share the family meal.
Uncle John (As stilted as the previous two speakers, as will be the rest of the cast): What have you for us at this midday meal, oh, maid Bridget?
(Maid Bridget bursts into tears and leaves stage. Mrs. Brewster steps in and says) Why, only the Family Borden’s favorite dinner, Doc Seabury Bowen: mutton, cookies, and a jug of frothy milk. (Mrs. Brewster steps down, as Bridget had only one line.)
Mr. Borden: Yes, John, brother of my first wife, the deceased Sarah Morse Borden, ah.... (Forgets line.)
Lizzie (Jumping right in): I, Lizzie Borden, had hoped to bake an apple pie and bring it to poor Elmer’s grave, as I hope to do every Valentine’s Day, but, alas... (glares at stepmother) someone ate all the apples.
Mrs. Borden: If you’re talking about me, Missy, you can just save your whiskey-scented breath. I did not eat your apples.
Emma: Yet, Mrs. Borden, whom we refuse to call “Mother,” you do seem a big more fat today than you did yesterday.
Mrs. Borden: Emma, elder daughter of my husband, banker Andrew Borden, you are not too old, at forty years, to have your mouth washed out with castor oil soap!
Doc Bowen: Or with lye soap! Ha, ha, ha! That would call for a visit to old Doc Seabury Bowen!
(They all laugh grimly.)
Doc Bowen: Who is this Elmer of whom you speak, Lizzie? Perhaps a sweetheart ta’en too soon by the influenza flu or the nasty men-er-gi-trisk?
Lizzie: Why, he was no sweetheart, Doc Burysea Bowen. He was my favorite pigeon, strangled by Father in a pique of fit last Christmas morning.
Mrs. Borden: I don’t see how an educated young woman of the nineteenth century could expect a dead pigeon, buried one foot underground in a burlap bag, to eat an entire apple pie.
Doc Bowen: Well, maybe just one slice.
Uncle John: Hark! Do you all not hear the fire whistle sound at the new Fall River Fire Department?
Mr. Borden: Why, yes, indeed. Perchance Doc Seabury Bowen will be needed at his office because he is a doctor.
Emma: Mrs. Brewster, I can’t remember my line.
Lizzie: (To the audience.) Why, Emma, how you do worry so! It is only a fire.
(The backdrop falls toward the dining room table and the actors. The cast screams and runs off-stage. Mrs. Brewster climbs up to center stage, and reads from the script.)
Mrs. Brewster: “And so the Family Borden did live happily ever after, at least until August of that year, when Lizzie slaughtered her father and stepmother. The rest, as they say, is history.” Let’s all stand up now, children, and walk to the center aisle. Then, single file, we’ll go to the cafeteria for milk and cookies. But no mutton! Ha, ha! (No one else laughs.)
The Borden family as portrayed by elementary students~
(A banner over the stage reads “Our Lady of the Multiple Miseries Elementary School, Fall River, Massachusetts” and underneath that, the words “Our Valentine’s Day 1954 School Play.” Principal Harold Donstetter, a fiftyish, bald man with a paunch, enters stage left to a wooden podium that bears a picture of the school mascot, Clarence the Fruit Bat, along with Clarence’s name. Donstetter clears his throat and speaks.)
Donstetter: Good afternoon, parents and all our other welcome guests. (The only audience members besides the parents are the teachers and students of Grades 1 through 6, as well as Mr. Townsend, the school custodian, leaning on his mop.) For this Valentine’s Day, Sister Maria del Fuego’s sixth grade history class has written a one-act play entitled “Valentine’s Day with the Bordens, an All-American Family.” You’ll recognize Emily Hasbrouck, fifth grade future star of stage and screen, as heroine Lizzie Borden. Donald Sears, one of Sister Mary Margaret Maleficent’s talented third graders, plays her father, Mr. Borden. Sixth grader Lois West, understudy for first grader Kim Delaney, who is absent with the chicken pox, plays Mrs. Borden. Lizzie’s sister Emma is portrayed this afternoon by my own granddaughter, first grader, Sharon Donstetter. She’s a good little actress, so don’t suggest any nepotism at work here! (No one does. He chuckles, as if he’s said something witty.) Let’s see, who am I leaving out? Mrs. Brewster?
(Mrs. Brewster, second-grade teacher, hands him a program. He pulls glasses out of his breast pocket, puts them on, and surveys the paper.)
Donstetter: Ah. Borden maid, Bridget, is played by Shelley Littlebottom, but I’m just not sure whose class she’s in. Mrs. Brewster? (Mrs. Brewster mouths the answer.) Ah. Third grade. Thank you, Mrs. Brewster. Borden relative, Uncle John, is cast as first grader, Jimmy Hasbrouck. Hmm? (Mrs. Brewster has whispered something. Donstetter offers a hearty laugh.) Hah! Of course, I meant that Jimmy Hasbrouck, Emily’s cousin, by the way, is playing Uncle John, not the other way around. Mercy me! Now, who else? (He checks.) Ah. One more cast member, ladies and gentlemen. Donna Fairfield, Mrs. Trout’s fourth-grade representative, plays Doctor Seabury Bowen. Don’t let her false moustache fool you! She’s a very pretty little girl! I’m sure her future in the theater is bright!
So! Without further adieu... (Mrs. Brewster whispers something.) Yes, yes, Mrs. Brewster, I was about to set the scene. It’s Valentine’s Day in the Borden household, on a wintry Fall RIver afternoon in 1892, and the family is gathered at table.
(Gathered at the dining room table are all the players mentioned above, except for Bridget, the maid, who stands by the kitchen door, painted on a cardboard backdrop. The actors wear their school uniforms, the girls in plaid skirts and white blouses, even Doc Bowen with her moustache, and the boys in wool trousers and white shirts. They all pretend to eat, sporadically, throughout the play, miming the use of forks. There are no plates on the table.)
Doc Bowen (In a stilted, fourth-grade voice): Thank you, Mrs. Borden, for inviting me to the family’s Valentine’s Day dinner on this wintry Fall River afternoon in 1892.
Mrs. Borden (Struggling to remember her lines): Why, it is our pleasure, Doc Seabury Bowen. (She then addresses the audience.) We are always happy to invite our good friend and neighbor to share the family meal.
Uncle John (As stilted as the previous two speakers, as will be the rest of the cast): What have you for us at this midday meal, oh, maid Bridget?
(Maid Bridget bursts into tears and leaves stage. Mrs. Brewster steps in and says) Why, only the Family Borden’s favorite dinner, Doc Seabury Bowen: mutton, cookies, and a jug of frothy milk. (Mrs. Brewster steps down, as Bridget had only one line.)
Mr. Borden: Yes, John, brother of my first wife, the deceased Sarah Morse Borden, ah.... (Forgets line.)
Lizzie (Jumping right in): I, Lizzie Borden, had hoped to bake an apple pie and bring it to poor Elmer’s grave, as I hope to do every Valentine’s Day, but, alas... (glares at stepmother) someone ate all the apples.
Mrs. Borden: If you’re talking about me, Missy, you can just save your whiskey-scented breath. I did not eat your apples.
Emma: Yet, Mrs. Borden, whom we refuse to call “Mother,” you do seem a big more fat today than you did yesterday.
Mrs. Borden: Emma, elder daughter of my husband, banker Andrew Borden, you are not too old, at forty years, to have your mouth washed out with castor oil soap!
Doc Bowen: Or with lye soap! Ha, ha, ha! That would call for a visit to old Doc Seabury Bowen!
(They all laugh grimly.)
Doc Bowen: Who is this Elmer of whom you speak, Lizzie? Perhaps a sweetheart ta’en too soon by the influenza flu or the nasty men-er-gi-trisk?
Lizzie: Why, he was no sweetheart, Doc Burysea Bowen. He was my favorite pigeon, strangled by Father in a pique of fit last Christmas morning.
Mrs. Borden: I don’t see how an educated young woman of the nineteenth century could expect a dead pigeon, buried one foot underground in a burlap bag, to eat an entire apple pie.
Doc Bowen: Well, maybe just one slice.
Uncle John: Hark! Do you all not hear the fire whistle sound at the new Fall River Fire Department?
Mr. Borden: Why, yes, indeed. Perchance Doc Seabury Bowen will be needed at his office because he is a doctor.
Emma: Mrs. Brewster, I can’t remember my line.
Lizzie: (To the audience.) Why, Emma, how you do worry so! It is only a fire.
(The backdrop falls toward the dining room table and the actors. The cast screams and runs off-stage. Mrs. Brewster climbs up to center stage, and reads from the script.)
Mrs. Brewster: “And so the Family Borden did live happily ever after, at least until August of that year, when Lizzie slaughtered her father and stepmother. The rest, as they say, is history.” Let’s all stand up now, children, and walk to the center aisle. Then, single file, we’ll go to the cafeteria for milk and cookies. But no mutton! Ha, ha! (No one else laughs.)