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COVID-19 News Conference

4/6/2020

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Trump: OK, questions? CNN. Let’s get that one out of the way.


Jim Acosta: Do you…?


Trump: If you’re about to ask if I have a plan, like Jake Tapper did, then, yes, of course I have a plan. I always have a plan. Except when I don’t. Look, I’m not a doctor. That was a nasty question, by the way, Jim. But taking this medication— what harm could it do?


Dr. Fauci: A great deal.


(Trump pushes him out of the way.)


Trump: I think it would cure many, many people. Too many people, who knows. I don’t know. Take it if you want to. But a lot of people are saying it’s time to open the country back up and get on my golf course.


Fox Reporter: Mr. President…


Trump: My ratings, and I don’t pay attention to them, I understand they’re through the roof. Many people are saying to me, “Mr. President, we don’t know how the country could get through such a crisis without you at the helm. Not even Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, I don’t know.” That’s what they’re telling me. And, of course, it’s the fault of the previous administration.


NBC Reporter, Peter Alexander: Mr. President…


Trump: What a nasty question. You’re a terrible reporter. Fake News. You should get back to real reporting, not this sensationalism. Masks? I won’t wear one. How would it look if I sat at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office, greeting Kings, Queens, Emperors even, wearing a mask? We’ve got to fill the churches by Easter. And my golf courses. That’s a very sacred holiday for me, Easter. I don’t want an Easter basket full of N95 masks. I want McDonald’s burgers, Diet Coke, and cherry vanilla ice cream. Not a mask that would make me look fat.


One America News Reporter: Mr. President, have you seen Tiger King yet?


Trump: That’s an excellent question. Many people have asked me if I plan to pardon Joe Exotic. I have a favor to ask of him, though. If he would give his tigers to my son, Don Jr., I think it could be arranged. Donny has expressed an interest in those tigers. By the way, I misspoke earlier about a mask making me look fat. That would be impossible. I’m not fat. My ratings, however, are you listening to me? My ratings surpass any past president’s, even Washington’s. And, you know, many people are saying, “Mr. President, don’t let the previous administration off the hook for creating this virus.” If the Fake News would just tell people to take hydroxychloroquine. (He mispronounces it.) It’s a game-changer, and I have only a little invested in it. But I don’t know. I’m not a doctor.


(The few reporters in the briefing room have had enough, and they exit, even the man from Fox and the woman from One America News.)




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    I'm a New York grandma, living in San Antonio. I've been writing nonsense for a few years now, and I think there's enuff of it now to start a blog.

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