WHAT’S NEW AT THE HOME OFFICE
Last year’s Texas Department of Education’s Biannual Newsletter has expanded into a compendium of articles related to education nationwide. Furthermore, we are proud to call Dime Box, Texas, our new headquarters. Dime Box is a grand town, where a taquito still costs only $2.50 and tabloid publication sets us back less than a penny per page. We discovered this hidden treasure of Texas one day last summer while looking (in vain) for a short-cut to Luling’s annual Watermelon Thump. As luck would have it, on Highway 291, our rental car grazed a fugitive emu (presumably escaped from a nearby ranch), amassing so many feathers in our cooling system that we had to stop in town to pick them out (and sample the cheapest taquitos this side of the Rio Grande).
These tasty treats (well, not so much tasty as inexpensive) induced some sort of fit after which we reasoned that Dime Box was the perfect scholarly Mecca in which to establish our brand-new Live Oak County Register, a compendium of educational articles from around the state and across the nation. Certainly some slight confusion ensued after the discovery that Dime Box is located not in Live Oak, but Kiowa County, but we decided that the only people who would realize our mistake are the native Dime Boxians, and whether or not they are bothered by our error, well, we really don’t care, as long as they don’t raise the price of cheap rag paper and printer’s ink.
So, welcome to our new format and our new home! And if anyone knows who won Luling’s 53rd Annual Watermelon Thump, please let us know, as we had money riding on the outcome.
TERRORIST THREAT IN TEXAS
Terrorist mastermind Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, Egyptian militant connected to al-Qaeda, chose as his Independence Day weekend target the Education Building of Harper Lutheran Church, twenty-four miles west of Fredericksburg, in Gillespie County, Texas, where the Honig clan had gathered for its annual family reunion.
“We meant to score a direct hit against the air conditioning, but, by mistake, took out the water pump, instead,” the terrorist confessed. “Since a catering service was supplying the iced tea, this mission must be regarded as a failure.”
Mayor Dusty Vidalia said the town hadn’t seen such excitement since the McDonald Massacre in 1864.
This past weekend’s terror threat was not the first by al-Qaeda in the Lone Star State. “Chemical Ali” Hasan al-Majid was responsible for an attempt several years ago to “take out” the air conditioning at Rudy’s Fajita Hut in Beeville, which failed because Rudy’s Fajita Hut has never had any air conditioning. Al-Qaeda activities in Texas were further thwarted when “Chemical Ali” attempted to gas the Alamo, not realizing that the Alamo had already fallen to Santa Anna in 1836.
Unfazed by the most recent threat, the Honigs carried on with their festivities, but plan to meet next year in a safer spot. “We’re thinking Baghdad, because it’s such a fabled city,” said Honig family spokesman Gerhardt Badgett.
Last year’s Texas Department of Education’s Biannual Newsletter has expanded into a compendium of articles related to education nationwide. Furthermore, we are proud to call Dime Box, Texas, our new headquarters. Dime Box is a grand town, where a taquito still costs only $2.50 and tabloid publication sets us back less than a penny per page. We discovered this hidden treasure of Texas one day last summer while looking (in vain) for a short-cut to Luling’s annual Watermelon Thump. As luck would have it, on Highway 291, our rental car grazed a fugitive emu (presumably escaped from a nearby ranch), amassing so many feathers in our cooling system that we had to stop in town to pick them out (and sample the cheapest taquitos this side of the Rio Grande).
These tasty treats (well, not so much tasty as inexpensive) induced some sort of fit after which we reasoned that Dime Box was the perfect scholarly Mecca in which to establish our brand-new Live Oak County Register, a compendium of educational articles from around the state and across the nation. Certainly some slight confusion ensued after the discovery that Dime Box is located not in Live Oak, but Kiowa County, but we decided that the only people who would realize our mistake are the native Dime Boxians, and whether or not they are bothered by our error, well, we really don’t care, as long as they don’t raise the price of cheap rag paper and printer’s ink.
So, welcome to our new format and our new home! And if anyone knows who won Luling’s 53rd Annual Watermelon Thump, please let us know, as we had money riding on the outcome.
TERRORIST THREAT IN TEXAS
Terrorist mastermind Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, Egyptian militant connected to al-Qaeda, chose as his Independence Day weekend target the Education Building of Harper Lutheran Church, twenty-four miles west of Fredericksburg, in Gillespie County, Texas, where the Honig clan had gathered for its annual family reunion.
“We meant to score a direct hit against the air conditioning, but, by mistake, took out the water pump, instead,” the terrorist confessed. “Since a catering service was supplying the iced tea, this mission must be regarded as a failure.”
Mayor Dusty Vidalia said the town hadn’t seen such excitement since the McDonald Massacre in 1864.
This past weekend’s terror threat was not the first by al-Qaeda in the Lone Star State. “Chemical Ali” Hasan al-Majid was responsible for an attempt several years ago to “take out” the air conditioning at Rudy’s Fajita Hut in Beeville, which failed because Rudy’s Fajita Hut has never had any air conditioning. Al-Qaeda activities in Texas were further thwarted when “Chemical Ali” attempted to gas the Alamo, not realizing that the Alamo had already fallen to Santa Anna in 1836.
Unfazed by the most recent threat, the Honigs carried on with their festivities, but plan to meet next year in a safer spot. “We’re thinking Baghdad, because it’s such a fabled city,” said Honig family spokesman Gerhardt Badgett.